People are always saying to me, “oh my god, privileged and handsome Caucasian, you are so culturally diverse and, also, handsome. What nationality are you?” Here’s your answer, chumps:
75% French/Italian/Scottish/Irish/English/German? – Okay, let’s be honest… my grandfather came over here on a boat with no possessions. He was a victim of great prejudice in this country for the majority of his life. This, of course, is different from the Hispanic family on my block that I speak very poorly of at the dinner table because I heard from my neighbor that they’re using food stamps which is wrong because they’re using government resources and probably don’t even pay taxes. My grandfather was a pickpocket.
15% Canadian – I don’t know much about these relatives. They never call. I think one of them is a girl.
6.5% American – One of my Aunts was born in Ohio (I think).
2% Poltergeist – I’m convinced that a distant cousin of mine = a ghost. This one lamp in my bedroom flickers constantly.
1% Native American – Aren’t we all? I just feel like I’m somehow related to the Disney Princess Pocahontas, you know? I love that movie.
0.5% White (Caucasian) – Maybe?? … Haha no, both of my parents are white.