Abbott and Costello Discuss the Film ‘Saw’

(to be read aloud)

Bud Abbott: Hello Costello.

Lou Costello: Oh hiya Abbott!

Abbott: How’ve you been?

Costello: Good… good. How about yourself?

Abbott: Been well.

Costello: Oh yeah? I thought you was dead.

Abbott: I was.

Costello: You were what?

Abbott: I was dead.

Costello: Like a zombie?

Abbott: I believe so. That’s what the nice folks down at the morgue were screaming at me anyways.

Costello: Wow.

Abbott: Yeah.

Costello: Fifty years can really change ya.

Abbott: A lot’s changed.

Costello: Oh yeah.

Abbott: You seen ‘Saw?’

Costello: The motion picture?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: Yeah I saw ‘Saw.’

Abbott: I saw ‘Saw’ too.

Costello: I saw ‘Saw 3!’

Abbott: Oh how was it?

Costello: Real good, Abbott. Real good. Just wish I’d seen the second flick though. How was that one?

Abbott: Never seen it.

Costello: Well whadya mean?

Abbott: I ain’t seen the second ‘Saw’ film.

Costello: Well you just said ya did!

Abbott: Never.

Costello: You did!

Abbott: No. No, I have been meaning to see that ‘Saw’ for a while now though.

Costello: ‘Saw 4?’

Abbott: For a while now, yes.

Costello: Well, I ain’t ever seen that one either.

Abbott: Which one?

Costello: ‘Saw 4.’

Abbott: Oh, neither have I.

Costello: What?!

Abbott: I haven’t seen ‘Saw 4.’

Costello: You just said ya did!

Abbott: The second film?

Costello: The second film.

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: I don’t even know what I’m sayin’!

Abbott: Listen, I’ve seen ‘Saw’ and you’ve seen ‘Saw,’ so what else do we need to discuss?

Costello: I’m not sure anymore.

Abbott: This ain’t no reason to get all worked up, Costello. Let’s just talk about the first motion picture, okay?

Costello: Okay.

Abbott: Say, where’d you see it?

Costello: Ah, I don’t remember, it was a few years ago but I’m pretty sure I saw it at some community theatre.

Abbott: Well that’s nice, those places are usually real cheap to see a film at. Do you remember how much you paid for a ticket there?

Costello: After tax, I think about six cents.

Abbott: Why do you think about that particular film?

Costello: Which fi-

Abbott: ‘Sixth Sense?…’ I love M. Night Shyamalan!

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